Haven’t been blogging much, but I’ve missed it.
The year started out pretty well. But then March hit, and all of the sudden my life sounded like the lyrics to a country song.
My private client became too taxing to care for as I watched her and her husband self destruct. My roommate moved out. Previous roommate decided to take me to court for bullshit reasons (it’ll all be thrown out Wednesday, but court is expensive). Boyfriend ended our relationship on a moment’s notice. All this left my monthly income $1420 per month under budget. My dog needs to be put down. I need to pay about $800 to get my license sticker. Bills just kept mounting. So I did the math and realized that if I put in an extra 10 hours a week, that I would be okay. But I only get paid 45 minutes on the hour, so an extra 10 hours a week on my already 50 hours a week schedule, meant a 75 hour work week, on top of my tarot business and my new direct sales venture selling tea. I tried reaching out to friends for support, but everyone was just too busy or too far away for something as simple as a hug. Two members of my family were unbelievably rude at Easter. I called them on their horrid behaviour, and I became uninvited to dinner and they stopped talking to me. My father’s health is poor, and I may not even get to say goodbye. I tried organizing a tea party and a birthday party, and response rate was less than 5%, leaving me to feel more alone than ever. And then I had a workplace injury, and then another 6 weeks later. It’s clear that my career as a PSW is over, as is my income stream. I am in so much pain that I can’t grocery shop, or pump my own gas. My thoughts started seeping further and further down, until I started researching suicide methods. I tried reaching out to friends, you know the ones who are always posting memes about how they will always listen if a friend is suicidal? But of course, they were too busy.
Then I realized, something isn’t right. That’s a hell of a lot of shit for one person to endure in a month. Either this is a curse, which I doubt, I haven’t pissed anyone off that much lately. Or, I have fallen into a crossed condition, which seems far more likely. By the way, if I am cursed, and you reading this are the one that did it, big mistake. Big. Huge. You don’t play a player.
It’s not like I don’t know how to cure a crossed condition. I mean, I am a bad ass and gifted mage. I can handle this. I don’t need to tolerate living in this condition. This is fixable. So, I’m getting to work, doing the hard work of magick. I will get out of this. That’s what magick is for.