Yesterday’s post made me think about what it really is that I need. It’s not necessarily romantic love. It’s connection. Throughout most of human history, we have lived in tribal communities who ate, slept and lived together. This is a juxtaposition to our current lives of flaking on plans, and hiding behind computer screens. I look at the poor choices that I’ve made in romantic relationships, but in the past, a combination of poor social skills and poor judgement has lead me to some really unhealthy friendship circles, too. I was very close friends with a woman I cared about and called “sister”. She decided that my choice to follow my doctor’s advice on weight loss for the sake of my long term health and quality of life was a personal attack on her. Every thing that another person was struggling with, she had to make all about her. She has this sickly co-dependent relationship with her partner, and has sacrificed absolutely everything for them. This was not a safe person to connect with. I’ve attempted to connect in the past with others who were gossipy, judgemental and overall just not good for me to be around. It’s time I practiced better discernment. I am attempting to reconnect with friends who I don’t see often enough. Going out with other people is like exercising. Before you go, you really don’t want to go. But after you get there, you are so glad that you did. I wish that I was closer with my own sisters. We don’t hug. We don’t say that we love each other. My younger sister and I have talked about this, and are starting to get closer. We fought as kids, but into adulthood, she has become my most trusted friend. My older sister is making some poor quality life choices, and is not a safe person for me to connect with right now. I see how my roommate is with her sister. I’m a part of a Geek Girls group including two sisters who live together. My roommate is a safe person to connect with, as is her sister. They have agreed to welcome me as one of their own. The Geek Girls are safe for me to connect with. There are others too who are good choices. Much tea needs to be poured.
I need to remember the Jim Rohn quote “You are the average of the 5 people you spend the post time with.” As I am leaving my muggle job soon and embarking on a new journey towards self-employment and success, these words are truer than ever.
I connect with my muggle job clients as well. I do my best to maintain professional boundaries. But when you see someone every day, or most days, or even once a week, for some very personal care, it’s only human to connect with them. I do my best to be absolutely present with them while I am providing care. I listen to them, and I try to change the problems they are having with the system. This is the biggest problem that I have in my muggle job- trying to fix the system. I have a huge blog entry coming after this challenge about the state of health care in Ontario. But when there is a problem and my clients are unhappy, I care enough to want to fix it. This makes me unpopular with management.
I had a talk with the gentleman I’ve been seeing. It’s been a balance because I want to protect myself from getting hurt and avoid being used, but I also don’t want to rush things into being artificial. I want to savour getting to know each other. So I talked with him today about my past, or at least the Coles notes version. I’m okay taking my time to get to know him. And he seems to enjoy getting to know me. He has some upcoming obligations that are demanding on his time, as do I, and we see each other what we can. He does see me as a person, and not just an object, and really, that’s as much as I need to know right now. Both of our availabilities are going to vastly change in the next two months. I am willing to allow things to grow organically til then. I can feel connection without pressure.