I feel like this challenge has just ripped the scab off. Not sure how much healing as actually taken place. Instead I’m just more self aware of just how damaged I am. I am not sure that there’s coming back from this, or hope for me. And if there is, I’m not sure that it will happen in the next 9 days.
Then I saw this:
It made me see that what I seek is meaningful human connection, and the only acceptable form in our society that I can seek this from is in romance. But my disabilities and trauma prevent me from making meaningful connections. So instead, I get used for sex. It makes me feel that there is even less hope for me to get the connection and love that I, that all of us, are hardwired as humans to need.